“Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.”- Lao Tzu

We all have at least one moment in life when we experience- on a much larger scale- the infantile discovery that sticking our hand in the fire means we ultimately get burned. And from that moment on, we know not to touch it. We no longer feel the desire to touch it and we also have the sense not to. But until this moment, we all function as children do- we will fearlessly pursue anything we want, until we’ve learned to do otherwise. After this lesson is learned, it isn’t as if we suddenly desire what is right for us or even KNOW what is right for us… but our mind has now developed the ability to keep us out of trouble, to protect us. And then, the grueling decision- making process begins.

No matter what, we all have to make decisions. Sometimes they’re ones we can be proud of, and sometimes they’re ones we wish we had made differently, or maybe even are ashamed of. Sometimes we’re so passive about making decisions at all that they’re eventually made for us, and then we wonder…

“How did I get here?”

We are all aware of the nearly ancient saying, “Follow your heart, and you’ll never go wrong.” It’s so romantic and comforting to know our entire lives can be orchestrated by this essential life-organ; that as long as we steer ourselves in the direction of our feelings, that we don’t need to have any regrets, even if things don’t go as planned, because at least we made an effort to attain happiness in the most personal and innately human way possible.

But I suspect that the person who spoke these beautifully soulful words may have A) suffered unnecessarily, and maybe even greatly from the ignorance of their mind. Or B) simply acquired the ability to sync up both heart and mind, to the point of never (or almost never) having to face a decision of agonizing contemplation that could possibly lead to their soulless demise. If that is, in fact, possible. I’m open to comments/thoughts/experiences on this matter… Is it possible to put the two in sync, or is it a balancing act, a matter of prioritizing and evaluation of a situation? Does following one instead of the other make you more mature or less mature? Selfish or Unselfish?

Perhaps the most baffling realization a person can come to is that our hearts and minds are not mutually exclusive, and are more often than not (in my own experience) competing with the other. And more than that- that it is crucial to know at what times and places it is beneficial to obey one or the other. This matter alone has accounted for 90% of the damage done to my own life in the last couple of years, and I only now recognize that something must be done- that I MUST learn to evaluate whether to obey my heart or mind in any given situation, with my own health and happiness in mind- as well as those I care about...Because often times, when making a decision in which we discount either the heart or the mind, it can be a destructive one, not only personally, but to those who care about us most. But, that’s a whole other story for another time and I’ll dedicate more time and thought to that soon enough.

So I digress… wouldn’t life be so much easier if we could find a way for our hearts and minds to work together so that we aren’t constantly feeling one thing and thinking another? I know I personally can feel utterly torn and indecisive in regards to following my heart or my mind in even the most insignificant or mundane situations. I recall my former boyfriend asking me on many occasions when on the brink of splitting up, a very simple question:

“What do you want?”

And I could never answer it, because what I wanted, I could feel my heart aching for, but what I needed, I could hear my brain demanding of me.

It was a matter of which course of action I was going to take, the ultimate battle between heart and mind, rational and irrational.

I chose to follow my heart, ignoring my mind, and then pretty soon, my heart didn’t feel anything at all.

I ignored my instinct, which I now believe, lives in the mind. My heart knew what it wanted, and my mind and protector objected- I was afraid, and my mind had its reasons, but I ignored them and instead made many vicious attempts to rationalize what I felt.

I thought that this would bring me peace, and that my mind was wrong to tell me that I should ignore my desires.

Of course, had I listened, I wouldn’t be feeling nearly so empty.

This, of course, was a lesson I was going to learn no matter what, and I chose to learn it the hard way.

One thing is certain, I will never see the heart as the only vessel to love and happiness ever again. I may never get over seeing my life as a romantic comedy and I’ll always strive for the love you hear about in the greatest love songs. But the mind, though analytical and logical, is a warm, caring place, and we spend our lives cultivating its endless and magnificent possibilities. This, in its own way, is breath-takingly romantic.